Hilarity Ensues After Alex Jones Announces That Liberals Are About To Launch A Civil War


Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones tweeted a video, and for one, he’s trying to grow a beard, and he thinks liberals are going to launch a civil war on July 4th.  I’m not sure why we didn’t get a heads up on this. We have only two days to prepare for this war. Also, my conservative brother is in town so I’m not sure what to do with his body after we launch the war against Republican voters. Maybe, just maybe we can let him live since he isn’t one of the fucking assholes who voted for Trump. Jones’s rant reminds me of the time that former President Barack Obama failed to take over the south during the Jade Helm military exercises. Obama was the worst dictator ever.

In a rambling, incoherent rant, Jones spoke of Antifa and muttered something about trying to “trigger another Charlottesville.” Jones also mentioned the ‘paid propagandists of Soros” and that reminds me that I never got my George Soros’ checks for participating in the Women’s march and the March for our Lives rally in Washington. So, I’m kind of pissed off.

And so is Twitter.


The problem here is what do we wear for the civil war (I’m all about fashion) and what should we bring. I mean, this is my first civil war, after all.

We’re still recovering from the war on Christmas. And let’s not forget the Bowling Green massacre:(

Note to self: Buy a ball gown and a tiara.

We are not savages, damn it.

I have some bodies to bury in the compost pile so I have to go now. Keep fighting the good fight, you guys. You rock so hard!

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Image via screen capture.