Sometimes you don’t know what you’re so desperately missing until you see it. Like on Sunday, when Sarah Palin lavished her deranged, word-salady praise on Donald Trump while dissing Hillary Clinton’s power-pant-suits. We haven’t heard from her in at least 48 hours and the universe felt so…empty.
And what was the special occasion? 2Politicon 2016, a self-described “unconventional” political convention held in Pasadena, CA.
If by “unconventional,” they meant “featuring the maybe-drunk ramblings and random brain droppings of washed-up half-term governors” like Sarah Palin, then Politicon was a stunning success. We don’t know the identity of the YouTuber who posted this delightful six-minute total break from reality, but assume it’s one of the many people who have it in for her.
The latest random brain droppings from Sarah Palin.
First, Sarah Palin called Hillary Clinton a member of the “good old boys club” and cried crocodile tears for Bernie Sanders and his supporters. Because those danged “Beltway bubble boys” are winning again.
“They whispered that they’re going to throw in for Hillary against the will of the people in their own primary, and this exposed the establishment’s con game. More people learn it doesn’t matter to the Beltway bubble boys and girls which side wins elections, as long as they get to keep their titles and their ratings and their power and their purses full. They win, we lose.”
As if any Republicans give a damn about “the will of the people,” or voting rights, or the state of Democracy in America. Sarah Palin then creepily managed to both fume and lilt while railing against people in her party who don’t think Donald Trump’s conservative enough for them.
“The establishment, those profiles in pudding, they bent over for all those things, and now they fret about ideological, lily-white purity. The engine roared as they were busted for that. They claimed to then — well, all we had for fuel was anger. I thought, ‘What gall.’ They lectured us for being too passionate about our country’s future? Yeah, they stomp on our neck and then tell us to just chill out.”
That’s right. “They” lectured Sarah Palin and Donald Trump for being too scarily incoherent and passionate about “our country’s future.” And then they “stomped on our neck.”
But really, Sarah Palin insists, Mein Trumpf and his supporters aren’t angry and racist for wanting to wall off our borders. They’re “optimistic” and “sensible.” And as for both the liberals and the “Republicans Against Trump , or RAT for short,” they’re all just a bunch of “thumbsuckers.” As opposed to whatever she’s sucking on.
“They’re not all thumbsuckers, they’re not all bad. I’m kidding — they are. Hillary thanks them, because she knows she can’t win without them.”
Sarah Palin then threw down some kind of poetry-slammish pseudo-rap lines down as a sop to the pro-gun crowd.
“Look at all these new, recent Second Amendment attacks. “Shoot, after Obamacare’s lie that, ‘Eh, you like your doc? You can keep your doc,’ it’s going to be, ‘You like your Glock? You can keep your Glock.’ It’s a lie.”
And then, our girl praises Donald Trump to the skies while slamming Hillary Clinton and her damned pantsuits.
“He looks up and he builds big. Ask yourself, what have the critics ever built? Men in denim built this country but DC suits and pantsuits destroy it.”
Because in Sarah Palin’s world, there’s a special kind of hell reserved for women who wear pantsuits. Plus, our Trump is red-hot, your Hill ain’t doodly squat.
“He gratefully shakes skilled, calloused hands and tugs tight the blue collar, and he salutes in awe of sacrifice, the American in uniform. It’s connection through appreciation, and I do wish you all could know him on that personal level.”
Watch: Sarah Palin shows Donald Trump the love.